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One Side: One Friend's Perspective

Sometimes I'm recorded while having a meal. I’ll see myself on her social media – it’s like a jumpscare.

My best friend of a decade, she, labels herself the “creativity monarch”. It’s fun for a bit, but it weighs on our relationship.

Being highly outgoing, there's a constant urge the need to document everything all the time. During meals out, her motto is, “The camera eats first,” and snaps pictures with the flash on, which induces embarrassment. It's unpleasant when other people see her performing for the camera – I experience secondhand embarrassment. It also frustrates me because meals lose their warmth.

She's not quite an influencer yet, but Marielle is trying to be. She makes vlogs about living in our city, her daily routine, and her work as a stylist. Her content is good, credit where it's due, but I prefer not to be involved. Sometimes she films me while I’m eating, or just accompanying her. Later, I appear on her feed afterwards, and it pops up like a jumpscare: I’ll have no makeup on, making a strange expression or photographed mid-bite. It feels invasive.

She also anticipates that I will to film her at inconvenient times. Sometimes I’ll be talking to someone else, or we’ll just be spending time in the street. I feel like our bond has turned into me serving as her unpaid videographer. She has the means to hire someone if she wanted professional shots. Upon mentioning my unease about this arrangement, she dismissed it. I've been invited to several industry functions, which was nice, but that doesn’t make up for all the energy I spend assisting her create material.

I appreciate that she has supported me with my career in design, but I don’t want our friendship to become merely a tally of exchanges. I don't believe she's insincere or dishonest, but at times I feel that if the camera is out, we will start performing in a way that makes us look good for her vlog.

Her directive is, “OK, look happy!” and film me laughing with another. It’s so silly. It's crucial her to understand that our 10-year friendship still has limits. I love spending time with her, but I also want to enjoy it without being recorded, edited, or posted for an viewers. I’m not a accessory for her Instagram.

The Defence: Marielle

I want Beth to see that the creations we make together can get us an opportunity.

I love shooting content. It’s not just a pastime; it's integral to who I am. Producing content and documenting experiences online allows me to express myself and connect with people in novel forms.

I don’t see myself as a full influencer yet, but it’s smart to make money from your interests. I admire people on social platforms who execute that style of informal, self-made film-making.

Creating content is my interpretation of engaging with life: observing the details, sharing them with an audience that appreciates the art behind it. It's never my aim to make Beth uneasy. Bringing her to industry events was my method of sharing opportunities, giving her a chance to witness behind-the-scenes moments that could benefit her career in design too. That isn't blackmail, it's simply being realistic.

I would take her to these events even if she refused to assist me, but I desire her to see what the work we create together can get us: an opening. I know not all people likes being on camera, but sometimes unplanned moments is what makes material genuine. Being recorded from time to time is part and parcel of being my friend. I'd remove anything she asked, but she hasn't made such a request yet.

I don’t expect anybody to be my private filmmaker, but friends help each other in small ways. I thought recording a short video here or there would be fun for her. Innovation flourishes in collaboration, and having my friend around makes endeavors lively and enjoyable. I don't compel her to participate in anything, and I’d never intentionally humiliate her. But filming together occasionally is part of how I document our shared experiences.

I value our friendship profoundly and don’t want content creation to come between us. I’m willing to find middle ground: like requesting permission before recording, and avoiding angles that might make her self-conscious.

This is not about control, it's regarding expressing my perspective while still respecting hers. Clearly making content is not a replacement for genuine friendship: it’s just part of how I experience life and I want her to be included in a way that’s agreeable for each of us.

The Jury: Reader Opinions

Is it right for her to stop filming herself and her friend when they are out together?

There’s nothing more uncomfortable than having a friend point a camera at you. I understand that it's her passion, but I wouldn't ask friends come to my work. Maybe she can find like-minded creators to collaborate with. Given the uncertain future of AI, personal relationships are the only thing we have – don’t waste them!
A respondent, 25

When pursuing something as a career, it's unfair to expect your friends for assistance every time, even if they have done it before. If Marielle loves shooting, that doesn’t mean everyone around her is content. She must to respect Beth’s privacy.
Another reader, 26

Marielle might love producing videos and showing off her life publicly, but it’s not for everyone. It was kind she has helped Beth’s career, but she must to hear what her friend desires.
A commenter, 27

It seems like you care about each other, so hold on to that and make sure it’s the focus in your relationship. Create some authentic memories, where genuine feelings are stored, not online archives. Even public figures who seem to share their worlds actually have more privacy than it seems.
Sarah, 53

She seems to be neither present nor authentic when they're together – she's on the job. Each appears confused as to what’s reasonable. The answer lies not in trying to change one another, but in each establishing defined limits around what feels acceptable to them and seeing if there is an acceptable middle ground.
A final view, 71

Your Turn to Be the Judge

Consider this question: is Marielle over-exposing their friendship?