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This period marks a full decade since the term “vanishing” hit the mainstream. Initially, the concept that someone could abruptly cease communication with a lover without a word seemed like the height of rudeness. How naive we were. In the decade since, seeking a partner has only become more confounding – an commonly fruitless pursuit in humiliation that is increasingly defined by online jargon.

Zoomers, a cohort who matured during a loneliness crisis, a male identity crisis, and a widespread attack on the rights of females and the LGBTQ+ community, faces a significantly more chaotic environment than their Gen Y predecessors could ever imagine. And so their romantic vocabulary has grown more elaborate and more deranged, with expressions like “Shrekking” and “monkey branching” straining the limits of your sanity.

The following list is a extensive glossary to the terms Zoomers is using to discuss romance, sex and the pursuit of both. To paraphrase one of the year’s most enduring memes, by the end of this list you’ll long to get back to a bygone era – because where that is, it doesn’t have “ideological catfishing”.

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A

Authenticity – According to gen Z, romance's gold standard is presenting as your true, raw self. You'll need it with that!

The Letter B

Bird theory – A online phenomenon inspired by a methodology developed by relationship scientists, in which you bring up something trivial – for example, “A bird flew by earlier” – and pay attention to whether your date's reaction is inquisitive or dismissive. If they show no desire to hear more about the bird, you two are not compatible.

Independent partner – Gen Z’s answer to the “manic pixie dream girl” archetype of the early 2000s – but rather than having baby bangs, liking indie music and eschewing commitment, the mysterious partner focuses on her own needs while radiating mystery and independence. (She might still have baby bangs.)

C

Seat theory – This signifies going for someone who supports you proactively. If you walked into a room, they would get a chair for you to sit down.

Choremance – A meet-up where two people bond while handling tasks, such as pet care or grocery shopping. In other words, how cash-strapped young adults do affordable romance in a inflation-era world.

Emotional spiral – Having a breakdown when you feel overwhelmed by life. You can crash out over a crush or split, dumping all of your (unrequited) feelings.

D

DINK – Dual income no kids. Once a marker of 1980s young urban professional excess, it refers to couples who choose against having children to focus on their own fulfillment. Or because they cannot afford to become parents.

The Letter E

Vulnerable signaling – The opposite of acting aloof: embracing communication, honesty and openness.

F

Indicators

• Warning signs – Behavioral traits indicating a potential partner is not right. For instance calling their exes unstable, bad tipping habits, a fondness for Woody Allen films, a nascent DJ career …
• Positive signs – These quirks confirm your decision to pursue a mate. Examples include following up to make sure you got home safely after a date, low phone use, owning a proper bed …
• Odd but harmless traits – These typically describe specific, largely inoffensive quirks. Examples include being an enthusiastic ornithologist, still keeping a biro in their bag, paying rent in physical money …

Shared obsession pairing – When you find someone who’s just as enthusiastic about documentaries about the second world war or physical media hoarding or art or anything it may be, as you. Or, on the flip side, meeting someone who despises the same stuff or people that you do (few things creates intimacy faster than sharing a nemesis).

G

Geese – A band many young men listens to.

Phantom reappearing – Someone who reappears into your life after a length of silence.

Golden retriever boyfriend – Someone who is friendly, accommodating and loyal. The uncommon partner who is adored by all of his partner’s friends, and a mysterious partner's opposite.

Gooners – A primarily online subculture of men so preoccupied with masturbation that they attempt lengthy sessions, intentionally delaying orgasm so they can persist as long as possible.

H

Gloomy heterosexuality – A mindset describing many women's increasing cynicism toward straight relationships. It will come as no surprise to anyone who read the previous entry.

Traditional ideal woman – An ideal championed by online male influencer figures: a woman who is sexually desirable, ever-comforting and contentedly domestic, who seemingly has no aspirations of her own aside from satisfying her man partner. Perhaps now you’re beginning to grasp the whole “pessimism” thing better?

The Letter I

Turn-offs – Arbitrary and often mundane turnoffs that instantly shut down any feelings of desire.

“He would if he cared" – Something to tell yourself after you watch someone else get an incredibly romantic gesture.

The Letter J

Careers – These have not been this important in the romance landscape since the greed-is-good era. For some women, a “banker” is the ultimate catch: a preppy, Republican-coded guy who will provide (there’s a hit TikTok audio on the topic). Meanwhile the anti-capitalist crowd seek out partners in fields they believe are being staffed by the more nurturing among us: healthcare workers, teachers or therapists.

The Letter K

Making out – This year, scientists learned that kissing has been around for 16m years. But the days of kissing may be numbered since some gen Z prefer fewer sex scenes in film, as they are having reduced intimacy themselves and do not find onscreen romance believable.

Enhanced profile crafting – Slight exaggeration. Or, not exactly being dishonest about who you are, but maybe using outdated (better) pictures of yourself on a dating app profile, or making your job sound more impressive than it is. Also known as {